First Dip on the Rollercoaster

I can already see why this is usually a young person’s game.  Sleeping difficulties, learning a challenging new language, eating foreign foods, leaving your family and town behind, being frustrated by technology and banking tasks…I’ve been having my first doubts about this massive undertaking today.

Peace Corps staff are super-friendly, appreciative of this batch of freshly landed volunteers, and helpful.  My compatriots are kind and fun loving.  I have no complaints about the food; heck, it has been tasty, filling, and someone else cooks it. We haven’t even moved on to the home stays and our jobs where there will be hardships.

But my heart is aching today.  There is a sudden grief that has come on unexpectedly.  For leaving without having had time to properly say goodbye to family and friends.  For relationships that were cut off before they could be explored.  For relaxing days in the mountains and on the lakes that will not happen during these two years. For the weddings, musical happenings, memorial services, and important moments in the lives of loved ones.  Even for the blessed minutiae of everyday life being lived 7,600 miles away.

Fortunately, the pendulum of emotions continues to swing despite our human efforts to stay in a funk.  I have chosen to forego dinner tonight so I can regroup in a quiet room, but life’s goodness has found me when I couldn’t find my own.

Marina asked if I wanted to run a 5k before sunset, which was healing for body and mind, Priom and I bartered a clementine for some blueberries, and then a group of us enjoyed a relaxed chat on the grass outside the hotel.  The sunset over Kgale Hill was composed of a sherbet palette including lemon, amber, and salmon.  I’m laying my head on the pillow with hopes of deep sleep and awakening to a sense that my rollercoaster ride is on the way back up…for now.